Feb. 14th, 2007

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Children! I have important information for you all!

If you listen to "Emo" you are a cunt. "Emo" is music for whiners. Only whining cunts listen to "Emo".

If have have been affected by this unfortunate plague, I will be only to happy to give you some proper music to listen to. Like The Fall. Proper music involves mad northern men with a speed addiction shouting complex metaphors for urban misery. Or My Bloody Valentine. Then you can learn where all your favorite bands stole their guitar sound from.

Or, if you would like a more modern band, that actual young people are listening to, you could all be listening to The Pipettes. This is proper music for children. It is about staggering in from a nightclub at 2am, fucking the tremendously attractive young bit of stuff you picked up while off your tits on strong drink and cheap drunks.

Incidentally, if you are not doing this sort of thing, and are between the ages of 15 and 24, I recommend you start doing it at once. I can say this sort of thing, now I am no longer paid to lie to you in the capacity of being a guidance counsellor.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to join half my staff in tracking down and destroying a number of deeply annoying small musical devices, and then I will be having strong words with one of my staff, regarding more appropriate uses for his little hobbies, and how they might help earn him a pay rise.

After I've beaten him to a pulp, of course.


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