I Am Very Bored.

[x_pete_wisdom]

It is Friday afternoon. It is already getting uncomfortably warm in New York for fuck's sake. Anyway: amid all the disaster and explosions and general mayhem of the last, well, forever, I note that Xavier's guidance counsellor has had it away on his toes for a while. I am not surprised. He had that look about him, the last time I saw him.

Anyway, as the sole non-mad guidance counsellor Xavier's has ever had, I thought I'd try and pitch in with some help for all you poor unguided people out there. I am therefore declaring today "Dr Pete Sorts Your Life Out For You" day. Offer open to all staff, ex-staff, alumni and current students of Xavier's Institute For The Very Specially Insane.

Tell me your troubles, or your "friend's" troubles, and I will provide you with solutions that are 100% guaranteed to work, or your money back. Trust me. I am a professional man, with many years experience in solving other people's problems.

Tell me your troubles. Go!

Comments

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I was going to write this in the third-person vague form but I cannot be bothered.

Is it appropriate to drive to Westchester unannounced and kick my cousin in the shin for violating our truce, or should I call first to let him know I am visiting with the purpose of kicking him in the shin very hard?

[x-pete.livejournal.com]

Dear Ms. Cannot Be Bothered

It is my considered professional opinion that one should never, ever let them know one is coming. Also, never kick people in the shins. Always go for the crotch, or other disabling strike. This is a far more useful instructional tool, as science has proved that they will remember any lessons you should chose to impart while they are doubled over in pain with added clarity.

Yours,

Dr Pete

[x-bevatron.livejournal.com]

Dear "Dr. Pete",

What level of retaliation would be appropriate were one to be kicked in the shin, given that the person doing the kicking is in fact being a very large hypocrite?

-Annoyed Cousin