I Am Very Bored.

[x_pete_wisdom]

It is Friday afternoon. It is already getting uncomfortably warm in New York for fuck's sake. Anyway: amid all the disaster and explosions and general mayhem of the last, well, forever, I note that Xavier's guidance counsellor has had it away on his toes for a while. I am not surprised. He had that look about him, the last time I saw him.

Anyway, as the sole non-mad guidance counsellor Xavier's has ever had, I thought I'd try and pitch in with some help for all you poor unguided people out there. I am therefore declaring today "Dr Pete Sorts Your Life Out For You" day. Offer open to all staff, ex-staff, alumni and current students of Xavier's Institute For The Very Specially Insane.

Tell me your troubles, or your "friend's" troubles, and I will provide you with solutions that are 100% guaranteed to work, or your money back. Trust me. I am a professional man, with many years experience in solving other people's problems.

Tell me your troubles. Go!

Comments

[x-firestar.livejournal.com]

Dear Dr. Pete:

Why are boys so confusing? I mean, there's so many to pick from until they get old, like 25, and we tend to have some pretty ones around. But sometimes they're confusing and stupid because they're boys - how do I deal with that?

Confused by Boys

[x-wallflower-.livejournal.com]

So, say you had this friend. And he or she had decided to take someone's personal problems into their own hands. Only, it didn't work out quite the way they're hoped as said friends were neurotic basketcases. What would be the appropriate response for this friend? (Also, said friend has also had something traumatic just happen and may not be in any particular mood to be sympathetic to anyone, basketcase or not.)

[x-rictor.livejournal.com]

Say you have this friend, who has now been kidnapped a total of 9 times. Since we cannot implant a tracking device for reasons that have been explained to me at great length and eye-gouging detail, what is the best way to keep from going insane the next time he does it? (Besides getting falling down drunk?)

[x-tarot.livejournal.com]

I was going to write this in the third-person vague form but I cannot be bothered.

Is it appropriate to drive to Westchester unannounced and kick my cousin in the shin for violating our truce, or should I call first to let him know I am visiting with the purpose of kicking him in the shin very hard?

[xp_daytripper]

Dear Dr. Pete,

What's the best way to get crayon and charcoal off painted walls?

Crazy 'Artist' Type.

[x-siryn.livejournal.com]

Dear Dr. Pete

Oh, I can't be arsed with the format. Forge is down for a little while and then will have other projects. Can we talk about security and how to upgrade it for the Keep?

[x-jubilee.livejournal.com]

Dear Doctor Pete,

I have this friend who hates to fly coach, but her draconian bosses appear to have assigned her nothing but cattle class. Should she put scorpions in their tea? Y/N?

[x-scarletwitch.livejournal.com]

Dear Doctor Pete,

Regardless of if the person in question is making a rude gesture in your direction due to the fact that the person in question was not quite insane when they were humbly doing their duty as guidance counselor...

I digress on this persons behalf. Anyway. This person apparently is torn between working until the late hours of this evening or throwing up her hands, cursing loudly and stomping off to the pub.

What's your advice?

Sincerely,

Thirsty in New York

[x-cloudy.livejournal.com]

Dear Dr. Pete-

I really like my job, but lately my boss has been posting pictures of people on the wall and throwing darts at them (I think they're government officials, because he's been swearing a lot in different languages and that's usually means he's dealing with someone in government,) but his aim isn't always so great. How can I politely ask him to knock it off without getting fired or used for target practice myself?

Thank you!

-Miss Pincushion